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Mike Schulz talks with Dave Levora and Darren Pitra about how a certain filmgoer should get over his hesitance about watching John Wick: Chapter Four — not to mention One through Three — which Schulz sums up as “Buster Keaton, but with a lot of bullets”: “You could put [the plots and dialogue from all four movies, running approx seven hours] on a cocktail napkin.” In the Wick world, everyone is an assassin — and once you’ve accepted that premise, then everything else falls neatly into place; and that’s the appeal of the series in a nutshell. They also discuss The Lost King, about the incredible, real-life story concerning Philippa Langley (Sally Hawkins), a commoner whose ME is not a title, but whose discovery of Richard III’s lost burial site changes all that, earning her (curiously enough) an MBE. Schulz thought the story, written by Steven Coogan and Jeff Pope, was entertaining, though the appearance of Harry Lloyd, who first portrays Richard III in a theatre production, popping up as a Richard apparition whom only Langley can see/hear, proves distracting as hell. (Note: In 1951, Josephine Tey wrote the novel The Daughter of Time, in which a convalescent Scotland Yard Inspector works out from his hospital bed the fact that the popular depiction of Richard III as a monstrous hunchback who murdered two young princes is a fiction — worse still, an example of era propaganda ossifying into fact. Nonetheless, Richard’s villainous image persists, owing primarily to Shakespeare’s portrayal of him. So we should all lay off the guy at long last; he’s suffered enough obloquy.) In other news, the boys are excited by the forthcoming Dungeons and Dragons: Honor among Thieves, despite the handful of predecessor films based on the role-playing game having all been terrible, and Schulz’s attempts at reading the source novels causing his eyes to water. It looks like the producers are playing this one for slapstick — not the worst thing that could happen to the material. Another is Spinning Gold, about Timothy Scott Bogart, the founder of Casablanca Records, which sounds — promising?. . .

“John Wick: Chapter 4” and “The Lost King”

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Mike Schulz celebrates Dave Levora and Darren Pitra with his sixteen Oscar predictions coming through, except for the Best Actor and Actress awards (didn’t see Brendan Fraser and Michelle Yeoh coming). Still, he originally predicted fifteen, so he’s going great guns in the prognostication racket. They also talked about Woody Harrelson’s latest, Champions, which, despite having Bobby Farrelly directing, allays any fears of the subject matter (Harrelson coaching a team of players with intellectual disabilities for his community service) descending to the level of “FRANKS AND BEEEEEANS!” No, it’s a charming outing, Champions, aside from the well-worn “triumph of the underdog” premise. Things get rather awkward when it comes to discussing Bettendorf natives Brian Woods and Scott Beck’s 65, whose title confused at least one skeptic as to whether or not time travel is involved, and left Schulz concluding the proceedings to be ultimately meaningless and arbitrary, lowering the sense of stakes further than an intelligent audience might otherwise expect. (“Not a fun review to write at all,” Schulz concedes.) And Shazam! Fury of the Gods, likewise, which opened last week (when the boys were off-duty), is not as enjoyable, in this case compared to the first time around: “Everything’s going to be twice as big, twice as loud, [and] not as much fun; and that’s exactly what it was. . . a big, thunderous waste of time.” Aside from that, Schulz awaits the fourth John Wick installment, as one would a fast-food meal, and the Brit-com The Lost King, which admittedly sounds fascinating (concerning the discovery of Richard III’s burial site in a parking lot). PS James R Hoffa remains at large, The Irishman notwithstanding; and the likelihood of his carcass being pulled out of some municipal fixture seems at this point to be less than zero. . .

Shazam! Fury of the Gods

Champions and 65

Notes on the 2023 Academy Awards Telecast

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Mike Schulz talks with Dave Levora and Darren Pitra about the preview for Scream VI, featuring Jenny Ortega, Courtney Cox, Skeet Ulrich (incredibly enough, considering Scream I) and a change of scenery from Woodsborough, California (not many hiding places left for potential victims) for New York City (multi-story buildings, subways). “It [plays] to your memory, but in fun ways,” says Schulz. “I did not see that coming. . .  Consistently clever.” Having not yet reviewed Scream VI for the Reader, Schulz reports warm and fuzzy feelings about the ninth film in the Rocky franchise, Creed III (“They finally do something smart in [this Rocky iteration] in that they make the opponent incredibly empathetic, and it feels like a fair fight: I don’t want either of you dudes [Michael B Jordan/Creed or Jonathan Majors/Damian “Diamond Dame” Anderson] to win this fight”). Like Scream VI, Creed III finds a way to provide fan service while respecting the audience’s intelligence. Schulz wishes he could summon as much enthusiasm for Guy Ritchie’s Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre, but it’s a “meh” experience, “just like a mid-Nineties entertainment”; Jason Statham’s starting to show his age, too. There’s much enthusiasm all around for 65: Bettendorf alums Scott Beck and Bryan Woods will be present March 11 for its appearance here. Incidentally, Schulz blames Sesame Street for instilling a lifelong fear of quicksand, which seems to be making a comeback as a silver-screen menace (and features in 65). As for the Oscars on Sunday, March 13, Schulz is hoping for fifteen of his predictions to come true — he’s got the bills, yo. . .

“Creed III” and “Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre”

Predicting the 2023 Academy Award Winners

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Mike Schulz talks with Dave and Darren about Cocaine Bear (“really delightful”. . . “it’s really hard to intentionally make a cult movie”. . . “the people were very entertaining, which I did not see coming”. . . “Judd Hirsch and Hal Linden do not show up in it”), featuring twelve-year-old kids eating cocaine (“Well done, Elizabeth Banks, the director!”), heaping amounts of gore, Ray Liotta in one of his final film appearances, and, most importantly, a coke-enraged bear; and Jesus Revolution, the two-hour story of the Jesus Freak uprising in late-Sixties southern California (“solid”. . . “really sincere, as you would expect; funnier than you would expect, which is nice”. . .). Also, for what it’s worth, Jeff Loveness, the screenwriter for Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, expressed depression over the negative criticial reviews his film received, but a visit to his local Cineplex, and the rapturous noise he beheld, alleviated him of his condition. Message for critics: Your judgments have consequences, be it in the form of depressed screenwriters or coked-up carnivoran mammals; so be mindful of the feelings of your fellow domesticated primates, and try to avoid incursions by stimulant-riddled caniforms. . .

”Cocaine Bear” and “Jesus Revolution”

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Mike talks with Dave and Darren about how Mike was underwhelmed by Ant Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, even by the low bar the franchise sets: Though Michelle Pfeiffer was better used this time around, and Jonathan Majors kills as Kang the Conqueror, Paul Rudd as a presence remains as light as a soufflé, overshadowed even by Corey Stoll as Modok; and, as for Marlowe, the less said, the better. (Even less than was discussed the last time.) Meanwhile, everyone is excited about Cocaine Bear, a concept so rich that even drug-free viewers might want to roll around in baby powder beforehand — and (get this) it features stars Keri Russell, Matthew Rhys, and Margo Martindale; practically the whole cast of The Americans, reunited (and it feels so good). . .

“Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania” and “Marlowe”

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Mike talks with Dave and Darren about how disappointing Magic Mike’s Last Dance was (“a Muppet movie, but with gyrating torsos”); Consecration (“a horror film in a convent. . . the devil has to show up at some point”); and the Netflix rom-coms Your Place or Mine (“crushing exposition” and Ashton Kutcher and Reese Witherspoon, who seem to have made the same film on their own at least once) and You People (a funny first hour of an hour-and-fifty-minute film, with Eddie Murphy and Jonah Hill doing a variation on that old “Will these polar opposites ever get along?” theme). Mike also previews Marlowe, which “looks ago,” though the “story drags” — not so promising, given we’re talking about Raymond Chandler material. . .

“Magic Mike’s Last Dance,” “Consecration,” “Your Place or Mine,” and “You People”

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Mike talks with Dave and Darren about the perfectly charming 80 for Brady, which has won so many hearts at the box office that you’d figure it would prefigure a flood of elderly-themed films from here on out — only for one to realize, once the ambrosia has worn off, that such waves are a generational thing, ie a self-contained one-off phenomenon for a given era (remember Cocoon?); Knock at the Cabin, the latest M Night Shyamalan joint with the characteristic plot twist built into the story’s center (Apocalypse a-brewin’, somebody’s gotta something: “Either they’re not telling the truth or they are. . . I was engaged the whole time”); and The Amazing Maurice (“a talking cat and a whole bunch of talking rats kind of like swindle towns out of all their money. . . but it’s British, and it’s really witty, and it’s Emilia Clarke, who’s really funny as the human narrator, and Hugh Laurie. . .” “it’s goofy, but it’s better than I expected”).

“80 for Brady,” “Knock at the Cabin,” and “The Amazing Maurice”